Leopardemic : A Satiric Tribute


Leopardemic : A Satiric Tribute – by Akash Kulgod

The elusive leopard continues its merry escapade in Belgaum’s Golf Course frustrating the hapless officials in fruitless pursuit for the past 18 days. The conniving cat, nicknamed Houdiniappa by locals, has evaded the time-tested methods of the forest officials such as ‘standing in line formation with butterfly nets’ prompting an escalation in tactics.

A squadron of elephants have been summoned from Dandeli and a call has been put out to all living maharajas to apply with their hunting resume to aid in their efforts. An elite canine crack-team consisting of mudhol hounds, german shepherds and ginormous pet labradors have also been roped in. Drones from 16 year old photography enthusiasts have been innovatively refurbished with covid thermal scanners but the wily panther appears to have stocked up on dolos.

Meanwhile, grisly tales from the interiors of the feather strewn course have been surfacing with meows from the ostentation of peacocks no longer filling the mornings in Hanuman Nagar. A lone peacock survivor is reported to be currently in therapy for PTSD. Schools and colleges continue to remain closed in the area, with some calling it a leopardemic.

Rumours have emerged about a dangerous drinking game amongst college students, where you take a shot every time the leopard is described as ‘elusive’. The streets around the course, normally thronged with oldies pottering about and youth engaged in elaborate photoshoots, now appear deserted.

However, locals appear united in their wishes for the leopard to be safely returned back to the forest and hope remains that no dastardly attempts to stage an encounter will take place.

  • The Author is an Alumnus of St Paul’s High school.
    BA in Cognitive Science from University of California Berkeley
    Presently doing a Research Project on “Dogs abilities to detect Human Diseases “.
    He has received a grant from George Mason University, USA for that.

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